How to Feel Inferior in Portland

Don't get me wrong, I love Portland. How can you not? Today on the corner of 2nd and Taylor I saw a man wearing a Carhart kilt! With Timberland-type hiking boots! He was definitely ready to hit up a construction site near you and perhaps play a bagpipe or something. It was most likely not Carhart brand, but it might have been....With the eclectic scene here, anybody should feel welcome, accepted and embraced despite their shortcomings. like a giant nudist colony (with no nudists).

KILT SIGHTING CHALLENGE ACTIVITY: If you can get me a good photograph of this alleged kilt I will buy you and any accomplises lunch!*************

So getting to my point, I have started running. I began on a training plan called The Couch to 5k a few weeks ago, and it's been going very well. I am almost done with it. This is not a joke.



So I heard that Thursday was supposed to be "nice," which for Portland in February "nice" means not pouring buckets, not frigidly cold, and you might be able to see pieces of the sky between the clouds. Feeling particularly ambitious this week, I bought some Power Bars (the "endurance" variety), and some Power-ade.

So I pack my gym bag this morning with my running shoes that the trainer picked out by analyzing my running gait. I also pack up all my new gym clothes in the weird materials that don't ever get wet, even fresh out of the washing machine. I obediently spend my morning appropriately "carbing" and overall doing everything I am told good runners do. Come lunch hour I put on my headphones and trot down to the waterfront. I feel a little out of place, being downtown amongst the skyscrapers in my gym clothes. It was almost like the "Oh crap I went to work without pants on" feeling we all have in those nightmares we get. Wait you don't get those? Well never mind....

So I start running and I am trying to "pace myself." This is not working out so well because the waterfront is full of runners. They are all wearing the same types of fancy weird fabric clothes, except I am sure they don't look nearly as weird in them...They are also running faster than me and this doesn't sit so well. So I try to ignore the prodigious running skills of everybody in the waterfront and focus on myself. 20 minutes later I am sweating profusely. Without my trusty treadmill guage I have no idea how fast I ran, how far, and how long I've been running. Also, I keep having to stop and walk. Only to feel the wind of everyone else, blowing by me, looking all athletic and runner-like. I might be running too hard, but how can I not try to run harder while eating everyone else's dust? At this point I am impressed that I was able to tie my shoes myself before heading down here.

Considering I'd like to stay gainfully employed and not collapse somewhere on the esplanade, I head back. The only problem is all those freaking runners are still passing me closely on both the left and right. Which made me think that there should be some type of driver's etiquette guide for running. So by the time I get to the fountain where I started, there is a lady in fatigue shorts and a tank top and she is leading a big group of runners in a workout that does not look like sunshine and daisy's if you know what I mean. I cross Naito and head back to my office feeling quite dejected. I can barely complete a simple running workout on my lunch hour, much less a boot camp. Maybe instead of training for a half marathon when I have never run before, I should have trained for an eating contest or something, like chocolate eating.

I return to work and continue my day, a little more tired, a little more stiff, and a lot sweatier. I hope nobody can smell me. So of course you're assuming that I am not a big fan of running...and I probably won't be doing this any longer. Wrong. My next workout is scheduled for Saturday.

I'm a glutton for punishment.



Upcoming races:

Adidas Shamrock Run 5k March 27

Portland Bridge to Brews 10k April 19

Seattle Rock and Roll half marathon June 27